Heavenly.  This is my word for 5 minute Friday as I write and listen to The Binions sing "Heaven on Earth".  I have wondered about heaven a lot since my mother's passing two years ago.  What's it really like?  Is she really happy?  Is she there, and here?  I feel my mother's presence so strongly and especially when I laugh.  I never realized how similar our voices are until now.  When I laugh, I hear my mom laughing too.  It is so startling at times because it's as if she is speaking through me!  I love to laugh, so I am reminded of her through a majority of my good days.  I guess God has given me this gift of remembering my mother through laughter.  There are also many days when I remember her and the sadness is overwhelming.  But I am so grateful for this gift that He has given me of remembering her in all of those joyful moments with my family, especially my children who she adored.  I laugh loudly and often wonder if she is with me laughing at the same things.  Thank you God for this heavenly gift   It's Friday so I'm linking up with Treat Me to a Feast  and .5 Minute Friday !  I hope I did this right!

                                 My mother, Ernestine with my Uncle Eddie six weeks before her death.

"You Guys Make Marriage Look Easy"

I can not believe that I have been married for 26 years.  I know how cliche it is to say "where does the time go", but where does it go?  I've been thinking a lot about this lately as I admire with my 23 year old college graduate daughter, and prepare for my 17 year old (driving!!) son to go off to college in another year.  Raising children seems to speed up those years that are filled with driving to school, practices, games, birthday parties, etc.  It really does take my breath away.

I had a chance to really process this at a family picnic during a conversation about marriage and family.  All those years, where does the time go, and how have we been married for such a long time?People are always amazed when I say that my husband Bryan and I have been married for so long. I guess you can't really break up with children, so you know that they are with you for a life time.  But with a spouse it's different.  You can get a divorce, but that is messy, costly, and depressing.  I watched my parents go through it and it never really solved anything for them.  And divorce has never been an option for Bryan and me.

So as I sat at the picnic elbow-deep in crabs with Old Bay Seasoning, one cousin asked me "how have you been married so long?  You guys make marriage look easy."  I was flattered and surprised.  It was such a nice complement, and yet, I wondered if we were putting on smiley faces and not telling the truth about what marriage really is.  Quite honestly, are like other couples that have been married for a long time.  As the years pass by and as we have gone through challenges, we have learned to weather the storm and stand together as it passes.  I think  our united front makes it look easy. 

If you have been married for a bit, or not married yet and may be considering it, here are a few truths about marriage.

1) Be friends first.  Bryan and I have been friends for 29 years. We did not date immediatly which gave us time to get to know each other.   So our relationship was initially built on a strong foundation of support, listening, laughter, etc.  We really see the fruit of that early relationship now as our children embark on their own  lives.  We have always enjoyed spending time together with and without the kids.

2)  It's not about you.  It really is about your spouse and your relationship.  On my toughest days in marriage I have had to re-focus and remember that my marriage is about me learning to let go of selfishness and that is hard for me.  Even after 26 years I often want things my way.  I'm blessed to have a husband who will listen to me and work things out.  I do much better with this when I remember who I am in Christ and keep Him at the center.  Tough stuff some days, but it helps us make it through.

3) Surround yourselves with other successfully married people.  Many of our friends have been married for a long time.  That reflection of other married couples is encouraging, especially when the times get rocky. That model of perseverance is comforting and can provide so much hope.

4)  Join a bible based church  We  joined a church 2 years into our marriage and I believe that church membership has saved our relationship.  We have been active church goers and enjoy bible studies and worship as a couple, family, and as individuals.  We recently had the opportunity to be a part of a "Marriage Mentors" group at our church.  Although we were the couple that had been married the longest, we weren't leading the group.  This was great because it gave us a chance to learn from as well as mentor couples that had not been married for two years, ten years, etc.  It's amazing what you can learn from newlyweds.

5)  Pray for your spouse.  Marriage pleases God, so you know who wants to attack and destroy marriages?  Satan.  However God is greater than all of those issues that pop up in our relationships.  I started praying for my husband when I read the book "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian.  I needed the strength, (and I know that he did too) to get through very difficult times.  Prayer is the ultimate weapon to help your relationship succeed.

So 26 years later, we can say that we have been through a lot:: births, deaths, financial crises, job losses, promotions, moves, housing issues, celebrations, joy, sorrow, sickness, health, richer, poorer. Life.  And in the end, we cling to The Cross and all of God's promises.  It's a simple formula, but it's not easy.  But I do believe that  love makes it all look "easy".

A Salute to the Average Worship Leader- How I Learned That Worship Is Not About Me.

 

A Salute to the Average Worship Leader  

If you know me, you know how much I love worship.  I sing in the choir at my church, and also have a spot on our praise team.  It is one of the joys of my life.  I spent nearly a year singing every other Saturday night with two other "background" singers and a worship leader.  I loved it.  I worked hard to learn the music, to be there for each rehearsal, and to be on time for sound check.  It was not easy because I don't have lots of expereince singing with a microphone in front of hundreds of people.  But I worked hard at it, and prayed even harder.  God was stretching me and allowing me to grieve the loss of my mother in a way that I never anticipated.  Worship embraced my grief and helped to push me through to the other side of unspeakable sadness and despair.

But recently our music ministry has undergone a transition.  Our eight worship teams were whittled down to one, and many of my fellow worshipers were asked to take a break.  Not really great news for most,  but it was a move of God whether we agreed with it or not.  I am one of those left standing.  In part, I think, because it's not easy to get singers to commit to Saturday nights for an extended period of time, but I wasn't questioning it.  I just wanted to worship.  

However,  I knew that with all the changes going on, my break from worship was also coming.  So I started to really take a look at myself as a worship "leader" at my church.  I am a good singer, but trained classically so honestly sometimes I struggle with the contemporary music that we sing.  I am a bit older than some of my fellow worshipers on the platform.  I sing with very kind and talented 30 and maybe 40 year olds.  I am over 50.  So I really grappled with this wondering if I would be able to hang in there and continue to worship at this mega church with mega ideas and goals for this glorious ministry.  

I have prayed and continued to go to rehearsals although my personal schedule has required that I take a break from worshiping on the weekends during the summer months (my son's lacrosse schedule).  In one of my prayer times, I decided to Google "average worship leaders" and God showed me that I'm not alone in how I've been grappling with this issue.  This article speaks to who I am as a worshiper in such a perfect way.  It is an honor to worship and I don't take that for granted.  But thanks to God and Bob Kauflin, the author of this piece, I am reminded that there is no "average" in worship and that God is using me in ways that I can not even fathom.  And isn't that really what is at the heart of worship?  Letting God have His way?  It is not about me and whether I can reach the highest note or sing louder into the microphone.  It's about Him and how He can use any song, situation, singer, etc, to glorify His purpose.  It's all about God.

I am still singing with the choir, and for now, I'm scheduled to sing with the Saturday night team in September.  I continue to go to rehearsals, listen and learn music, and most importantly listen closely to God's direction for my life- on and off the platform.

Cor. 1:26-28 -For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards,3 not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27 But nGod chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; oGod chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God chose what is low and despised in the world, even pthings that are not, to qbring to nothing things that are, 

Tweeting with Integrity

I love social media.  But I really love Twitter.  I manage a Twitter account for myself, for work, for church, and just recently for my son's lacrosse team.  To me it's more fun than Facebook.  You have 140 characters to say something profound, or not.  I've read inspiring, life changing quotes, and given advice via Twitter.

Two weeks ago I started a Twitter account for my son Christian's  lacrosse team. To me it was the natural progression since I developed the club web site and the Facebook page for the Junior Program.  I chose great pictures for the Twitter page background and I was so excited to follow some of the college teams that our graduates now play for.  I also started following our local rivals.  No harm in that.  So I thought.  Until I saw the Tweet of one of our rivals that said "31 days until we beat Montclair".  They even had a picture of a digital clock with the words "Beat Montclair" at the top. What?  So I quoted their tweet and said "NOT THIS YEAR".  No harm in a little town to town rivalry. And I wanted to shock them. 

Fast forward to yesterday.  I picked up Christian from practice because I had a fundraising check for the program.  I waited by the gate after the boys passed by to go to the locker room and handed the coach the envelope.  "Are you the one doing the Twitter for the program?"  he asked.  "Yes I am" I responded with a great sense of pride for pushing the program forward.  "  It's great, but we gotta stay away from the negative stuff.  We can prove that we can win on the field."  I felt a bit uneasy and really thought that he didn't have the right attitude!  We were gonna beat these guys  and why didn't he think so.  After all, the boys (who always seem to be in my car) had been talking about beating this team since the Fall.  Oh well.

I went to my car and waited for my son.  So of course, when he sat in the passenger seat I immediately told him about my conversation with the coach.  I was so proud of how I retweeted the other team.  But my son said " Mom, it's about keeping your humility when another team lashes out.  That was bad sportsmanship.  We can work it out on the field.  That's not good character."  My heart sank.  I never want to disappoint my children.  Not ever. But I was so surprised that my son, who sometimes lets his hair grow too long, wears his pants a little low, and listens to music with lots of profanity, has grasped the lessons learned in so many hours of Sunday School, church  sermons, and of course endless lessons from his parents.  "Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing.  Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the Lord." Psalm 34:10-11(NLT)

Just when I thought Christian's not listening, God smacked me right between the eyes with a lesson from my teenaged son.  My son is humble, always puts others first (uh, except his immediate family :) ), and respects authority.  To watch him grow as a  young man of God has been mind-blowing.  This is what I pray for weekly in Moms In Prayer, but I guess I needed proof to really believe it?  I thank God for this young man who is quickly growing into an unassuming representative of God's kingdom.  I am so thankful for how God gave me a glimpse of His handy-work which is so perfect and awesome. So I'm now quoting reputable sports figures and tweeting game scores on our teams' Twitter account. Because of my son, I am tweeting with integrity.

Moments of Heart-Warming Grace in a Cold Place

Being on the Daniel Fast these last three weeks has opened my eyes and my heart to so many things lately.  Although I have been a little frustrated with the lack of food selections and  have been a bit testy at times, I have been seeking the Word more and I've been seeing God's manifestation in so much of my daily life.  The winter months have been difficult for me emotionally over the past two years.  It was two years ago on January 28th 2011 that my husband called me from home and said that my mother passed out in the bathroom and was barely responsive.  She was rushed to the hospital and was put on a respirator immediately.  She never really responded to us at all and she passed away on March 1.  My memories of that time are still pretty fresh.  Days and nights at the hospital, staring at the machines, conversations with nurses and doctors who became fast friends in that time of crisis.  But one of the memories that I have is of my son's hockey team and their games.  There was a game that night of January 28th and my son was playing.  After spending the entire day at the hospital, Bryan and I went to the game.  I remembered how my mother loved to see my son play hockey, and  it felt good to resume that normal portion of my routine if only for one hour.  My hockey friends were there.  They hugged us, comforted us, and held our hands at that game.  It was freezing in there as it usually  is.  But I held onto those hugs and facial expressions of concern to get me through what was one of the toughest days I had ever experienced.

Fast forward to last night.  Another hockey game.  It was freezing.  We walked in and sat on the bleachers near our good friends Jane and Scott.  She looked a bit tired, but of course that was not unusual.  The JV games are at 8 and 9 PM.  Pajama time for us- the over 50 crowd.  Scott turned to us and said "  I wanted you to hear from us that Jane's mom passed away a few nights ago."  I was stunned and shattered for my friend. She couldn't even say the words and I know how that feels.  Her parents would have celebrated their 68th anniversary in a few short weeks.  So we huddled together.  The "hockey moms" surrounded our dear friend who told the story of her mom's passing in between time-outs, referee calls, and goals.  We held her hand as she talked about being in bed all day and only coming out for the game.  

So this is Grace.  The grace that God grants us in the most peculiar places.  The ice skating arena of all places is where we sat together with warm hearts, and sympathetic ears, wiping away tears.  I am so thankful for these public spaces that have become a place for us to share in life's good and bad times.  He shows us how life continues, no matter how difficult it is to be in that space of grief.  

2 Corinthians 1:4 says "He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.  When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."  Thank you Lord for teaching me to comfort, the way I was comforted.  In the midst of a cold ice hockey rink.

Here Goes...

It's been quite some time since I ventured into the blog world as myself.  I've done it for work and years ago for myself as a haughty African-American socialite.  Well those days are over and I am venturing into this world virtually naked.  No masks, no pretense, no co-author, just me. 

It honestly feels great.  I'm on a quest to share  my stories and to really find the joy/contentment in each day.  Right now I would typically be at church, but I have a laundry list of things to do today and The Holy Spirit spoke to me about taking time out to listen, reflect and create this blog.  I've been on The Daniel Fast with my church and my immediate family which has been eye-opening and caused me to search my soul and start talking about my journey. 

It sometimes sounds weird to refer to my life as a journey, but that's what it is.  These days I wake up and thank God and attempt to turn all of my thoughts and tasks over to him.  It is so daunting lately.  Not just the daily concerns over finances, my teenaged son, my young adult working (Hallelujah!!) daughter, my business venturing husband, etc., but my own fears about how do we keep it all going.  I find myself jumping ahead of the game.  I guess I'm trying to predict and control each move I make.  I know better.  But I'm human,  I'm working towards not controlling everything and everyone it my presence.  It makes me crazy and causes such confusion.  

Which leads me to my scripture for the day- "For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints,"1 Corinthians 14:33.  If God is not the author, I need to put down the book!  So I am making another attempt, sitting here, to put down all of the junk and apprehension in my life.  I'm turning it over to you Lord.  I am reclaiming my Joy!